As Time Goes By

It’s been almost nine months since I ventured into the blogosphere. I had to ask my husband what the name of my blog site was because I literally could not remember. “WebAdvisor…no that’s for my school. Web..something…” “Word Press, Amy.” “Right. That’s not a good sign.”  My attempt to find my blog again came about when Matt’s blog was nominated for an award and to accept it he had to nominate five others. I saw him nominate mine and laughed. “Why in the world are you nominating me?” “You would have a great blog and a good following if you actually wrote it consistently.” “Hmm.” Now here I am…contemplating how time moves on swift wings but yet it’s passing is barely perceptible.

I remember my childhood days and the thought that Christmas or my birthday would never come. Now I am astounded when I find them upon me so suddenly. As I consider this the question that plagues my mind is, “Am I using my fastly fleeting time well? Am I doing anything that is making an impact, let alone a spiritual impact for eternity? Or am I frittering away my days with busyness that doesn’t truly matter?” I wonder how many people feel this way? It is not a question so much of “what is the point of living”, but rather, “am I living well?”

As time continues to go by I want to be able to say with confidence that my life counted for something…most importantly that my life counted for eternity.

Living on Pause

I am not a fan of living life on pause. In fact, I am usually flat out against it. I find I am more of a embrace life to the fullest type of girl. I prefer to pack my days full of people, books, exploration and good conversation. I also think that living life on pause encourages a lack of appreciation for my life and the time I have left to live it. I believe in making the greatest impact–especially for Christ–while my soul inhabits this earth. Can you tell I feel strongly about this? I do. There is one exception– God himself hits the pause button of my life.

This is where I find myself these days, in the middle of one long pause. At first, I embraced the pause. I’ve had an exhausting, no stopping, little resting few years and I was worn out. However after a month of “pausing” I was raring to go again. Chafing at the bit quite vehemently. I do not enjoying feeling as if I have no purpose in life. I need purpose! I do not enjoying being a useless bump on a log, a sloth of infinite proportions, a lazy excuse for a human being. But God still has me on pause. I know he will jump start me soon–especially going by his view of time, I know it will not be a long wait–and that he has an incredibly good reason for this pause.

He knows what I need and I am coming to accept that at this time, this pause is what I need. So, instead of lamenting my absolute lack of contribution to anything, I am choosing to look for what he is teaching me. I have begun to use this pause as a time of meditation, of digging deeper into God, of time to reflect on all God has taught me the last few years, to read theological books I have an interest in and now have time to pick up. God has paused my physical life and my social life, but not my spiritual life. No, that he has on full speed!

To wrap up. When God tells you to pause. Pause. Stop. Look around for what He is trying to point out what you need before you can proceed. Then when he hits play again..GO FOR IT, FULL SPEED AHEAD!

Blessings of Life: New Year Edition

Due to unforeseen circumstances–the sheer amount of schoolwork and my inability to do anything but homework, classes and sleep–I dropped out of the blogging world. Sadly, my weekly God blessing post dropped out of my to do list as well. I can tell you though, that it was sometimes hard to keep a positive outlook on things this semester and I truly wonder if not counting my blessings was a part of that. Travis Osbourne, Simpson’s spiritual life director, said in chapel one day that where our eyes are directed determines where the rest of our bodies and thoughts will go. I think this is so true. I took my eyes off of how God was blessing me and I had a hard time seeing the joys of my days. Therefore, I am back. Back to keeping my eyes on God and the blessings he is pouring out on me in the midst of my crazy life.

1. I finished my undergrad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2. I am home with my husband after almost a year of living in differing states!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3. I have a plethora of job opportunities!

4. After years of searching I finally have a mentor, Kim Lawson, and I am quite delighted about it.

5. I more than passed all my classes and was able to achieve my graduating GPA goal.

6. I was able to see my dear Maribeth and hold her 6 day old baby boy, Silas.

7. Laurel and I were able to spend several days of laughter and enjoyment together.

8. Joe and Liz Davis have provided Matt and I a place to live while we are waiting for the next step to take.

9. I was able to go to my first quiz meet and get to know Lana, Alissa and Katie better.

10. I have a family who loves me so very much…almost as much as I love them!!!!!!

1am Musings

After the hardest, most taxing, busy, wondrous, fantastic semester I am happy to announce that I have not only returned to you my blog readers, but I have also accomplished a years long goal–I finished my undergrad!! I remember that day I began my college experience. I was sitting in the auditorium (Rudd Hall to be exact) of Bryan College in the mountains of Tennessee. I had just left me new room decorated with my tropical bedspread and other islander paraphernalia and was gathered with all the incoming freshman. We were asked to stand up, one-by-one, and share where we thought we would be in ten years. I had felt completely out of my element throughout the day, but for the first time I felt confident. Upon my turn, I took the mic, stood up and firmly proclaimed that I was double majoring and in 10 years one could look for me on the TV anchoring the news or in a classroom teaching high school history.

Well, ten years is almost here and I can say even more assuredly say that I am so very glad God had different plans for my life and loved me enough to knock me off my high horse and strip away the preconceived notions of what my life should be. There is a whirlwind of thought going through my mind these days as Matt and I find ourselves in yet another time of transition, but foremost in my mind is how thankful I am that God saved me from myself and directed my heart and passion towards him and his purposes for my life.

I will be writing more soon. I am aware I have months of silence to account for. I will.

Stayed tuned for another Blessings of Life post! The Post College Years. haha.

1st Annual Selfish Blog aka Christmas List

My husband’s birthday, our anniversary and Christmas are all in a row and every year he posts a blog with his wish list attached so that he doesn’t have to tell countless people what he wants again and again. Today he asked me to make one. It feels weird to me, sitting here thinking of what I want, but here you go sweetie.

1. Of course, you know this one. The Weekender in Sittin’ in a Tree from Vera Bradley

2. This one might surprise you. Vera Bradley’s Lucy sunglasses in Barcelona. Super cute.

3. Maribeth’s sister makes the most gorgeous necklaces and hair flowers. I’ve been eying Gilded Leaves Hairpin for some time now.

4. This apron is awesome and I really like it.

5. Brown slouchy boots…to keep my feet warm and cute and not have to wear heels.

6. Games of God and Men, In Extremis, All Mirrors and All Suns by Robin Hardy

7. The movies Step Up, Step Up 2 , Step Up 3

8. Gift Cards to Express, JoAnn’s Fabric and Craft, Target, iTunes, Half-Price Books, Borders,

9. This fantastical necklace, or this one, or perhaps this one.

10.  The Harry Potter geek in me desires some Gryffindor trappings.

11. As a newer resident to rainy Seattle rain boots are a must and the color and pop and color to many dreary gray days.

12. Contributions to the Matt and Amy’s Down Payment for a House Fund

I’ll add to it if I think of anything else lover.

Blessing of Life: School Edition

Goodness, I am not doing well at posting these blog updates at the end of every week, which I have decided to view as Saturday and not Sunday (in case you wanted to know ). Instead of coming up with an excuse, though, I will simply apologize for the delay of such an important post for my avid readers. (Do I even have avid readers?) Oh dear, I am in a giddy mood and that could produce quite the post. Just warning you.

1. I finished my first week of school successfully and without feeling overwhelmed by what my course load requires of me this semester.

2. I have friends! Even though  almost all the gal friends seem to have graduated I find I am friends with more people on campus than I thought. This has been a blessing as I do not feel nearly as isolated and alone as I did at the beginning of last semester.

3. I have the most amazing profs this year!!! Super challenging, understanding, helpful, and they shine Jesus!

4. I was asked by my ministry profs to go to a welcome BBQ for incoming ministry majors. I found out when I got there that I was one of a few that had been asked to come and share insights and experiences with the new class. I felt honored and humbled that they asked me to be there.

5. My last books arrived in time even though Amazon said there would be at least another week! Yes, my God can speed up shipping time

6. God has blessed me with a schedule that allows me to get rest and have large amounts of time to do homework.

7. Due to my schedule I can spend Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays doing homework while lounging in the pool! Relaxing and productive!!!!

8. One of my profs removed a research paper from the syllabus!! Yes, it was another opportunity to learn, but it also allows me more time to do my other work with even more excellence.

9. I can ask for prayer in class and then class will stop and pray! I love being surrounded by my spiritual family.

10. Patches no longer attempts to constantly enter my room. Patches is the cat of the family I live with and last semester would spend the night meowing at my door. He has learned I won’t let him in and I get sleep!! Now, I know the cat lover’s out there may not understand how this is a blessing and that I should just let the cat in and allow it on the bed, but I just can’t.  I have issues with cats, as my good friends know, and even though I will pet it, don’t ask me to sleep with it.

Blessing of Life 9/7/201

When I began this segment of my blog I planned to write another addition every Saturday, but alas, two Saturdays have come and gone and no new blog postings. Due to unforeseen circumstances, such as my memory occasionally vanishing and well…just life, two weeks have slipped by with nary a word from me into the blogosphere. However, unfortunate this tragedy is I am striving to make it up to you, my dear reader, by doubling this edition of Blessing of Life. I invite you to partake and enjoy.

1. The BAXTERS! Nick and Amy are constantly blessing me, but in this particular instance they selflessly gave Matt their extra car to drive around WA so that I could have our car down with me at school!!!!!

2. Garen Edgar made me lemon meringue pie for my goodbye party and it was delicious and I felt so special that one of my students took the time to make me their specialty.

3. 3 Days of nothing! After weeks of craziness Matt and I found ourselves with three days in which we had absolutely nothing to do!!!!!! It was rather wonderful.

4. Juan Molina is one of our students and he blessed me by being absolutely wonderful during lake day and playing with the younger kids when he was waiting his turn on the boat.

5. Galen Davis, is one of our leaders and is one of the most encouraging and happy-making men of God you will ever meet. He gave his testimony to the students and hit it out of the park! I was blessed by his honesty and his willingness to step out of his comfort zone and impact student’s lives.

6. SEEEATTTLLLEEE SOOOUUNNNNDEERRSSS! Imagine that phrase drawn out loud and long and you have the amazing crowd at my first Seattle Sounders MLS soccer game. It was so much fun and a wonderful way to celebrate the end of my biology class.

7. I’m done with biology!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

8. I somehow aced biology although I didn’t have much time to put into it and felt I didn’t understand half of it…all you on that one God…as it always and rightfully is.

9. Liz Davis and I went to the late night showing off the movie, The Last Airbender, and yes, it was corny and cheesy and absolutely wonderful because it was so awful. It was just nice to have some girl time with a new friend.

10. God provided and my parents have booked their tickets to come out for my graduation ceremony in Jan. Plus, they are staying for three weeks!!!!!

11. VACATION. Matt and I had a 5 day vacation and we were able to just rest…no visits to friends, no running around going lots of places, only a much needed and welcomed rest.

12. Mom Anderson blessed me with a beautiful new school bag, from Vera Bradley, of course, as well as two other totes from her store…she knows I love a good tote. She spoils me and I appreciate it greatly.

13. Dad Anderson makes the most fantastic breakfasts and is a splendid short order cook of eggs, among other things, and make some pretty scrumptious mickey mouse waffles as well. He blessed me by wanting to make Matt and I a family breakfast during vacation.

14. Mom and Dad A. and their generous generosity, advice and love!

15. My dad for being willing to take 2 1/2 days to fly from Guam to Paupa New Guinea, when it really shouldn’t take that long, in order to open the door for Micronesian bible students to be able to go there as missionaries. He amazes me.

16. My mom for her constant support and encouragement and skype chats whenever I need one.

17. Dave Lawson, for pouring into me this summer and helping me see how God has moved in my life to place me in the position of leadership that I am in and that I am not there just because I have some skill, but because it is where I am meant to be…I am a leader and not just because there’s no one else.

18. My husband, for standing by my side for an hour and a half while I dug through bins at the Goodwill Outlet Store and never complaining..

19. My husband, for letting me read stories to him and enjoying it so much he asks for more. I love being able to share my love of a good read with him.

20. My husband (if you don’t get it by now my husband is a gift from God who might drive me crazy but loves me wholly and I adore him) for supporting me, challenging me and believing in me.

How many ways has God blessed you these last two weeks?

Blessing of Life

One of my dearest friends, lives with chronic pain and yet hers is a life of joy, a life of finding joy in her husband, her daughter, her baby on the way, her friends, her family, her GOD. She is a wonder and encourages me to look for all the blessing in my life, as I have a habit of dwelling on the maudlin. I have another dear friend, who writes a fantastic blog and one of my favorite postings of hers is a weekly list of the wonderful things in her life. God has used them to inspire me to always be looking for the ways he blesses me. Thus, an undertaking of my own. I am going to start my own weekly posts called Blessings of Life. I’m going to list ten ways I have noticed God pouring out his blessings upon my life. I am hoping that doing this will help me stop dwelling on the annoyances of life and celebrate the wonder of a wonderful life my God has blessed me with.

1. My adoring hubby made me a wonderful french toast, bacon, eggs and oj breakfast today!

2. My wonderful hubby also blessed me by putting up more bookshelves for me today so I can unpack a few more boxes of my beloved books.

3. Thanks to my fantastic mother-in-law and her amazing online skills I was able to get all my textbooks for this next semester for a little over $100.

4. Friends. The Lord has blessed me with amazing friends. Amy Baxter you make me smile endlessly.

5. Matt and I have some pretty incredible students. This week Juan, Lana, Garen and Kelson were a blessing to Vision House, and to me, by working hard to help get their yearly fundraiser set up.

6. God provided a boat at the last minute so that we didn’t have to cancel Lake Day for the kids.

7. Raedeana Edgar. God has poured out many blessing on me through this incredible woman.

8. All our youth staff who work tirelessly loving kids and helping to keep Matt and I from loosing it some nights

9. The Lawson Family for a never-ending flow of generous hospitality.

10. The privilege to learn and God’s strength to endure when I forget that.

How has God blessed you this week?

Unknown

I’ve been home for 3 months now and have only blogged once. My seemingly nonchalant attitude towards recording my thoughts is just that, seemingly. I actually–quite frequently, in fact–think about updating my readers with insights into my life back at home. However, I don’t know what to say. It appears I am incapable of finding the words to describe how I feel in this season of life. I feel as if I cannot figure out what I feel or even if I am feeling and yet, I am not numb to my life. I am acutely aware of all that is happening and am actively participating in the wonderful chaos. But, there is a feeling that has set up residence in the back of my mind. A faint, persistent thought that I am missing something vital, that I am forgetting something, that perhaps I am not as fine as I think I am. Then, in a blink of an eye the feeling is gone and I’m laughing and enjoying every minute of my days at home with my hubby, investing in our students, and making wonderful friends. I am embracing the life God has blessed me with until in a silent moment I am disquieted by the return of the unknown feeling tingling in me. Back and forth it goes and I am at a loss for what to even say. So I have said nothing and I have written nothing. Until now, because I must break the silence.

Unsettled

It’s been some time since I wrote a blog. I left CA, came back to WA and felt as if I had nothing to say, except for “Yay, I’m home!” I am truly glad to be back with my hubby, in our apartment, with things of familiarity around me. Yet, my spirit  felt disquieted and the nagging sense of something wrong  continued to grow, a sneaking suspicion that all was not right. I was trying to sleep a few nights ago when I turned to Matt and said, “I want to go home.” He replied that I was home. “No,” I stated “I want to go home.” “Ca??” “No, I want to go HOME.” I am homesick. I haven’t been  back to Guam in 7 years and I am longing for it, almost mourning the fact that I can’t get to it. “Matt,” I softly reminded him, “you get to go home at least twice a year. I haven’t been home since I was 20. I want to go home. I want to show you where I come from. I want to take you to all my old haunts, to the different houses I grew up in, to see a mermaid and ride a water buffalo. I want to take you to Chamorro Village and  load you up on the best food you ever had and watch the local craftsmen and dancers. I want to teach you to climb a waterfall and show you a graveyard of tanks. I want to go home.”  A few minutes later I felt like crying, much to Matt’s chagrin. “Matt, I just realized that when I am finally done with school I will have lived almost two years of my life staying no one place longer than four months.  We were in Yakima about 4 months, then to Seattle for four months, then I left and went to CA for four months, now I am back in Seattle for four months, before I return to CA for four months, and when I come back I don’t know what I am coming back to.” Wonderful husband of mine, held me through all the realizations. I have so much emotion going on inside of me right now.  I don’t precisely know what I am feeling. I am happy, sad, joyful,  grieving, content and restless all at once. It was tonight that I realized I want to go home because it is where my roots are, where there is something constant. I am well aware things change in Guam too…I am well aware that things are no longer the same there as when I left. But, it’s familiar, it’s known, it’s where I have deep relationship, and I am reeling from the absence of all those things in my life right now.  I’ve always considered myself a gypsy, a happy wanderer, but this wanderer is growing weary. My life is unsettled, but at the same time it’s one grand adventure, one that God has laid out for me and I am loving the unpredictability of it. My strength and comfort through the roller-coaster of emotion is that I know he is walking with me, every step of the way, and there is no better way to walk.